Sep 16, 2014
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¡Che Huevos!

Please enjoy the following guest post (and recipe), brought to us by Scene Missing Magazine‘s Jason Mallory. —Ed.

Jason Mallory's eggs in a basket

I was deeply honored to be invited by Knuckle Salad to discuss one of my favorite breakfast meals, the Egg in the Basket. First of all—surprise! The basket is bread. Now your basket budget is severely reduced. All that money you put aside for fancy baskets? Spend it. You’re free of the tyranny of costly baskets. Honestly, did that egg really think it was going to be riding high in some wicker palace like the Daddy Warbucks of eggs? Guess what, dummy. It’s not Easter! Also, the Daddy Warbucks of eggs is Daddy Warbucks, due to his egg-shaped noggin. Disclaimer: do not try to cook Daddy Warbucks’ clean-shaven head inside of a slice of bread. Wait, never mind. What do I care what happens to Daddy Warbucks? Go ahead and fry him up, if you can get your hands on him. Serves him right for not using any of those war bucks to keep his head safe. As the Wu-Tang Clan says, “Protect Ya Neck!”

I first heard about the Egg in the Basket from the movie V for Vendetta, in which Natalie Portman cooks them for the Guy Fawkes mask guy. Do all the guys from “Anonymous” wear the Guy Fawkes mask now because of that movie? Looks like we had different takeaways from V for Vendetta. They’re like, “Yeah, let’s overthrow the government!” and I’m like, “Yeah, let’s cook an egg inside of bread!” Both of us are fighting the system in our own way. But only one of us has an egg cooked inside a slice of bread. Should I wear a Che Guevara shirt when I make these things? More like Che Huevos!

Jason Mallory's eggs in a basket

To make an Egg in the Basket, you put a bunch of butter on the bread, use a shot glass to perforate a hole in the middle of the bread, and then cook the bread for a minute. Crack an egg inside the hole and cook it for a few minutes. Then you flip it! Two more minutes, you’re almost there. Now put salt and pepper on it. Then cook the leftover bread circles for a minute. Become enraged there isn’t a whole boutique store dedicated to just serving these buttery circles of bread. Meanwhile, people are falling over themselves to open stores that just serve cupcakes. They probably even put the cupcakes in fancy baskets. People coming in bowing and scraping for Lord Cupcake, and his squire Lemon Frosting. These cupcakes need to stop putting on airs!

Jason Mallory's eggs in a basket

Anyway, enjoy your delicious Eggs in Baskets, you’ve earned it. ¡Viva la Revolución! ¡Viva la buttery circles of bread!

About Jason Mallory

Atlanta comedian living with a French Bulldog.